Gang Related

Hands up if you are in a gang? Ok now hands up if you had to think about that question for a second before deciding? Also, if you actually put your hand up you can put it down now, because stupid.

I’ve noticed that wherever I go in SL I see bunches of people hanging out together that all have such a similar look to each other it’s as if they were all related. Loose groups of lip enhanced wide hipped blank eyed clones standing together at the popular sales events, small mobs of low rider jeans wearing shirtless muscle dudes all with the same twitchy-feet AO that make them look like they are on day release from a hospital for degenerative neurological disease, gaggles of black clad asymmetrical haircuts and facial piercings slouching in a clump like penguins sheltering from a blizzard.

At first I put it down to being a symptom of things I just don’t fully understand, like friendship or fashion, so I amused myself by creating collective nouns for the cliques (an artisan of hipsters, a repetition of no-shirts, a cliché of fashionistas, a bucket of goths: feel free to play along) but it’s time to stop treating it as a joke and call it out for what it is. SL has a gang problem.

gang polo

{*Note: I’m so happy with “a bucket of goths” as a collective noun I want to have sex with myself, because bucket/pail, gettit? I walk around SL making myself laugh; I suspect this might not be altogether a healthy thing.}

Despite evidence to the contrary I’m not a total idiot and I do understand that it’s nice when you and your besties have things in common, that if you like to dress in a way that conveys your personality that you will be attracted towards others of that ilk. Or if you have skinny jeans and that fucking horrendous mesh beard that everyone else has you need to stick together in a group to avoid being bullied or burned at the stake. I get that, but…

BUT: Look at the people you surround yourself with… if you are all cut from the same textured cloth and wearing the same clone mesh heads or that damn pouting slightly frowny wide female face that you see everywhere (EVERYWHERE! SO SICK OF THAT FACE!), all going to the same clubs and the same events then you are perhaps perhaps doing yourself a disservice, limiting yourself in a way that’s wholly unnecessary and insular. Maybe you think that being in a group of similar beautiful people has an add-on effect and that the radiance of the awesomeness you project is intensified when you are all together. Is that the logic at work here, that alone you look amazing but in a collective of similar fabulous cookie-cutter people you become incandescent through mathematics – some sort of stylish fashion multiplication? Allow me to suggest here that this is not the case, not even a little bit. Nope.

We are in the perfect place to expand our horizons and interact with people from all walks of life the whole world over, if you are using that opportunity to only mix with people who dress like you and treat your peer group as fashion accessories then maybe maybe it’s time to get your head out of your overly round rump and quit it. It will not physically hurt you to talk to someone wearing different style clothes from you, it will not burn your mesh flesh to discuss things with that person with a tail, and you will not be less cool if you have a conversation with a noob because – again I say Newsflash – it’s SL, nobody nobody nobody thinks we are cool and here is the real mathematics – it’s an inverse ratio: the more you try to act cool and dress cool the more you aren’t.

Kids, please don’t be part of the gang problem, and don’t do hard drugs, and be home before 10pm – I’m not kidding, tonight’s a school night.


Charming, debonair, respectful of others and welcomed wherever he goes - Zero is none of these things. An unselfconscious reprobate, a shameless drunk and an ill informed opinionated prick of the highest order.

1 Comment

  • Reply August 9, 2015

    Ginevra Perdide

    I’m so glad to see you are writing again. What I’ve noticed is that so many of the female avatars have breathing conditions, is there some contagious disease on SL? I’m sure you’ve notice all the woman with their mouths open, looking like they are gasping for air, or is it just me? Maybe I should make an inhaler for them, and sell it on MP?

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